Somebody ran into my car today. I was in it, so got out and sorted it with the other party. In fairness to them there was no issue. No denial of blame. Nobody was injured. Just a bit of inconvenience and the metal box of mine will get fixed and that will be an end to it.
All over the news at the moment is the proposed changed to the benefits system, and in particular the unsustainable rise in benefits for mental health issues among young people in our society.
Genetically we haven’t changed in any meaningful way for around 50,000 years. Yet in the space of three decades we have gone from a nation lauded for our “stiff upper lip” to a nation whose reaction to the stress of everyday life results in many labelling themselves as ‘mentally ill’ and claiming help from the state for their ‘condition’.
Now I acknowledge that there are many who suffer from serious mental illness. But I’m sorry, I don’t accept that we are any different as a society than we were not that long ago.
Three generations ago we sent millions of (mainly) men to live and die in muddy trenches overseas. The sights that they saw, the horrors they witnessed and the trauma they suffered would be incomprehensible today. Yet those that returned had to fit themselves back into society, put their heads down and get on with living their lives as best they could. And there were many that lost loved ones – widows and children grieving husbands and fathers, left without a breadwinner and to fend for themselves.
Despite this, we didn’t learn anything and repeated things a generation later.
Yesterday I listened to a podcast where an ex-Royal Marine described his time in Afghanistan. He recounted many incidents that were shocking to hear, let alone see – including witnessing an 8 year old child being shot multiple times in the chest.
These things are serious trauma. Anyone going through this will be affected deeply by what they have seen and done.
But we can’t let hardship or trauma define who we are. These experiences shape us and affect us but they are not and should not be allowed to become the defining characteristic of our existence. Hardship is part of the human condition. Fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, remorse, regret and the whole spectrum of emotions are all part of each one of us. And they are not easy for any of us. Those who witnessed war and death are not special cases. They are not especially wired to be able to cope. They are the same as all of us.
We can’t just keep looking to the state or to others to shield us from the unpleasant parts of being human. We have to learn to manage and to find strength in overcoming difficulties.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Without the rain we cannot appreciate the sunshine.
One bad chapter does not make the book of your life.
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